Introduction:

I must have written thousands and thousands of cards over my 21 year career so far, more than I’d ever be able to keep count of in my usual method of counting (my hands of course!). But, as some of you may know we lost our much loved Nan just before Christmas which hit us like a ton of bricks. Anyone who’s lost anyone close to them knows the pain felt. Everything becomes a blur, things were often difficult to make sense, small things become a huge effort, these feelings prompted me with this blog. No matter how many times I’ve held people hand and helped them find the feelings, words and courage to write these messages over the years and always being able to help-suddenly I was helpless. I had no focus or ability, I struggled to find what to say to my Nan on her final note.

Losing a loved one is an immensely challenging experience, it’s one we don’t often have to deal with luckily but when we do it can be a huge challenge. In times of grief, a thoughtful and sincere message accompanying a funeral tribute can provide comfort and solace to anyone mourning the loss of a relative or friend. In this guide, I'll explore how to navigate the delicate task of crafting messages for different relationships, offering support and guidance to help you convey your heartfelt condolences.

A few tips for sympathy and condolence messages:

1. Acknowledge the Pain: Begin your message by acknowledging the pain of loss. Let the bereaved know that you understand the depth of their sorrow. For example: "During this difficult time, our hearts ache alongside yours. Please accept these flowers as a small gesture of comfort as you navigate the profound loss of (Name)."

2. Express Sympathy: Clearly express your sympathy and offer support. Use gentle and compassionate language to convey your condolences: "With deepest sympathy, we send these flowers as a token of our love and support. May they serve as a reminder that you are not alone in this journey of grief."

3. Share Fond Memories: If you have fond memories of the departed, consider sharing a brief anecdote or emphasising positive qualities: "As we remember (Name), we recall the warmth of (his/her) smile and the kindness (he/she) showered upon all. May these flowers symbolise the beauty (he/she) brought into our lives."

4. Offer Comfort and Strength: Extend wishes for comfort and strength during this challenging time: "May these flowers bring a moment of tranquility and serve as a reminder that strength can be found in the shared love and cherished memories that will forever endure."

5. Be Genuine and Personal: Authenticity is key in expressing condolences. Speak from the heart, using your own voice and sentiments: "In the face of such loss, words seem inadequate. Please know that our thoughts, love, and support are with you. These flowers carry our deepest condolences and heartfelt sympathies."

6. End with Support: Conclude your message by reiterating your availability and support: "During this time of mourning, please lean on us for anything you may need. We are here to offer comfort, share stories, and stand by you as you navigate this journey of grief."

Tips for messages to loved ones you’ve lost:

1. For a Parent: "In loving memory of my [mother/father], whose wisdom, warmth, and love shaped the person I am today. Your absence is deeply felt, but your legacy of kindness and strength lives on in our hearts. Rest in peace, dear [Mom/Dad]."

2. For a Sibling: "Remembering my [brother/sister], a source of laughter, support, and shared memories. Your departure has left a void that can never be filled. May you find eternal peace, dear [Brother/Sister], and may your spirit live on in the stories we share."

3. For a Spouse: "In honour of my beloved [husband/wife], whose love was the anchor of my life. Your absence is profound, but your love remains a guiding light. Until we meet again, my love, rest peacefully."

4. For a Child: "Cherishing the memory of my precious [son/daughter], whose joy and innocence brought light to our lives. Your departure has left a void, but your spirit will forever live on in our hearts. Rest in peace, sweet [Child's Name]."

5. For a Grandparent: "In loving memory of my dear [grandmother/grandfather], a source of wisdom, love, and comfort. Your legacy of family and tradition will continue to inspire us. May you find eternal peace, dear [Grandma/Grandpa]."

6. For Other Relatives: "In remembrance of my dear [relation's name], whose presence brought joy and warmth to our family gatherings. Your absence is deeply felt, but the love we shared will endure. Rest peacefully, dear [Relative's Name]."

Writing messages to loved ones that have passed is a totally individual experience. No message will be the same as we have all had different experiences and relationships.

Of all the cards I’ve ever written My Nan’s was definitely one of the hardest-if not the hardest so far. I felt a huge pressure to get it right, for my Nan. Even though I know she would be proud no matter what, I wanted it to be right! There was so much I wanted to say before our last goodbye, I wanted my words to accompany her and so I found that talking to my Nan directly when writing was the most comforting for me. So I popped the kettle on, sat on the floor of all places and thought about the most important things for my Nan to know, how I would want her to feel by my last message to her. So I spoke to her directly, about how I felt, how much I love her, memories we shared, thanks for what she’s taught me and told her things that I believed to be important for her to know before she moved on to her resting place. It was a struggle to choose the most meaningful things that I wanted to say as there are so many but it brought me a huge comfort to know that I had left my Nan with lots of loving and positive energy to travel with for her final journey.